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It's got 7" pistons!
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8,389 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
The good, the bad. The clean, the dirty. Bring it on!

I'll start;

Indian Chief ‘Two Eagles’ was asked by a white government official, “You have observed the white man for 90 years. You’ve seen his wars and his technological advances. You’ve seen his progress, and the damage he has done.

The Chief nodded in agreement.

The official continued, “Considering all these events, in your opinion, where did the white man go wrong?”

The Chief stared at the Government official then replied,

“When white man find land, Indians running it, no taxes, no debt, plenty buffalo, plenty beaver, clean water. Women did all the work. Medicine man free. Indian man spend all day hunting and fishing; all night having sex.

Then the Chief leaned back and smiled," Only white man dumb enough to think he could improve system like that.”
 

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I'm Your Pusher
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11,321 Posts
lol love that one
 

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Premium Member
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2,627 Posts
What is the difference between a Blonde male and a Blonde female?

A Blonde female has a higher sperm count..
 

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Premium Member
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2,627 Posts
Heh, there's another lawfirm: Dewe, Cheatum and Howe
 

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Registered
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146 Posts
My 5 year old tells me this one a few days ago....

Why do chicken coops only have two doors?

Because if they had more they'd be called sedans

Thats my boy! ;)

Sent from my CTS-V
 

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It's got 7" pistons!
Joined
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8,389 Posts
Discussion Starter #7
I went to a couple of car dealerships last week, and the first one I stopped at was GMC, well nothing caught my eye, but the price was right, then I went to a Ford dealer, again nothing really caught my eye, but I looked anyway, then I go to the Chevy dealer, I see one that I like, the dealer does the once over with me, then he pops the trunk, disapointed, I looked at the dealer and said, "Well, Theres something missing" the dealer ,puzzled asks "What"? I said "at the Ford dealership I checked out, they had a new pair of shoes in the trunk of every car"! Smiling the dealer says "Thats so you can walk home"!
 

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146 Posts
Lmao...u know its true when i had to take my boys Ford Raptor Power Wheels in for service 60 days after I bought it....lol

Sent from my CTS-V
 

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Premium Member
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1,945 Posts
Little Johnny the paper boy,he goes up to miss Smiths house and knocks on the door,miss smith yelling out im here to get the money for the paper.Miss Smith anserws the door and tells little Johnny i dont have any money this week,will you settle for some pussy she replies,little Johnny says why sure,so she brings him into the house and pulls down his pants,and yells out damn thats the biggest dick ive ever seen.Just as she said that little Johnny pulls out a hand full of washers from his pocket,and starts to slide them down the shaft of his dick.Miss Smith yells out hey Johnny im pretty sure i can handle all that dick.Little Johnny replies not for no $3.50 you aint.
 

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It's got 7" pistons!
Joined
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8,389 Posts
Discussion Starter #12
A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a case of beer, any kind except Schlitz. The bartender says, "What's wrong with Schlitz, don't you like it? The man says, "I hate that shit". Last night I drank a whole case of Schlitz and blew chunks. The bartender says, "You drink a case of any beer you're going to blow chunks". You don't understand said the man, Chunks is my dog.
 

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Burnout King
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3,947 Posts
Little guy gets on an elevator, he sees the most massive guy he has ever seen standing in the elevator. Big guy says "Six foot eight, 350 pounds, left nut weighs 5 pounds, right nut weighs 5 pounds, 2 inch dick, Turner Brown." Little guy faints to the floor, big guy kneels down and slaps him to wake him up. Little guy looks up and says "What did you say" Big guy says "Everyone always wants to know my stats so I'm six foot eight inches tall, I weigh 350 pounds, my nuts weigh 5 pounds each, I have a 12 inch dick and my name is Turner Brown". Little guy says "Oh thank God I thought you said TURN AROUND!"
 

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Honey Badger in Rehab
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2,139 Posts
Some new material on here, thank you gentlemen. Love the 2 flies on the pile of shit.

You know why men never buy their wives watches as gifts? Because there's a clock on the FUCKING STOVE!

(tell joke at your own risk with wife in area)
 

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Honey Badger in Rehab
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2,139 Posts
This is my all time favorite "The Hitchhiking Nun"

Guy is driving down the freeway and sees a hitchhiker. He doesn't usually pick up hitchhikers but it's a nun so he picks her up. As they're driving and talking he decides the nun is kinda cute so he starts spicing up the conversation

Dude; So are nuns ever allowed to have sex?
Nun: Well almost never. We can make an exception if 1) the man is not jewish, 2) he's never been married and 3) he has no children. But it is VERY RARE.
Dude: Well I'm not, and I've never and I don't......

Car screeches to the side of the road, the're in the back seat going at it and the dude is ready to lift the nun's habit

Nun: WAIT! I cannot look you in the face, would shame the cloth.....ROLL ME OVER!

He does and he bangs the shit out of the nun. Afterwards they're laying in the backseat of the car......

Dude: I have a confession to make and seeing as you're a nun and all......
Nun: Oh, no problem go ahead.
Dude: Well....my name is Bernie Horowitz, I've been married three times and I have six kids.
Nun: I forgive you, and since we're doing confessions........I'm not realy a nun, I'm on my way to a costume party and my name is Shade!
 

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It's got 7" pistons!
Joined
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8,389 Posts
Discussion Starter #19
0 to 200 in 6 seconds

Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really pissed.

She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"

The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the house.

She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Bob has been missing since Friday.
 

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Premium Member
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2,627 Posts
Johnny's dad was a bus driver, johnny wanted to grow up to be just like his dad. One day his dad brought johnny home his very own bus drivers hat. Johnny was so proud, he put his hat on and went out and got on his tricycle. He started driving around the block like he was on his own bus route. When he came to the corner he opened the door and said: All you motherf**ckers getting on the bus get on the bus, all you motherf**ckers getting off the bus get off the bus! He closes the door and continues around the block. When he pulls up to his last stop his mother is in the front yard raking, johnny opens the door and says: All you motherf**ckers getting on the bus get on the bus, all you motherf**ckers getting off the bus get off the bus!
His mom smacks him right off his tricycle and his hat goes flying. Johnny gets up, walks over and picks his hat up, dusts it off and puts it neatly back on his head, looks at his mom and says: you know...its motherf**ckers like you that make the bus late....
 
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